this is me trying

"this is me trying"Song by Taylor Swift
General information
Artist	Taylor Swift
Released	July 24, 2020
Recorded	2020
Studio	Long Pond Recording Studios (Hudson Valley, New York, U.S.)
Genre	Chamber pop, dream pop
Length	3:15
Album	folklore
Label	Republic Records
Writer(s)	Swift Jack Antonoff
Producer(s)	Swift Antonoff
folklore track list
"august"
"this is me trying"
"illicit affairs"
Official audio

"This Is Me Trying" (stylized as "this is me trying") is the ninth track from Taylor Swift's eighth studio album, folklore. It was released on July 24, 2020, through Republic Records.

Background

Swift confirmed the existence of this song through social media on July 23, 2020.

In Folklore: The Long Pond Studio Sessions, Swift and Antonoff said of the song:

“

Taylor: "I'd been thinking about addiction, and I'd been thinking about people who, if they're either suffering through mental illness or they're suffering through addiction or if they have an everyday struggle. No one pats them on the back every day, but every day they are actively fighting something. But, there are so many days that nobody gives them credit for that. And so, how often must somebody who's in that sort of internal struggle must wanna say to everyone in the room, 'You have no idea how close I am to going back to a dark place,' or 'You have no idea.' Jack: "'You have no idea how hard it is to get to the point where you guys think is still shitty.' Like, I think about that a lot. Like... the idea of... the idea of doing your best, or trying, is one that only a person knows, and you know when you're doing it. And it's so hard, which is what I get from that song, when you're doing your damn best, and it's not good enough. And it rarely is. But it's, you know, it's a very isolating feeling, which, I think, is funny 'cause it actually is the thing that binds all of us. 'Cause we're all doing our best and feeling like it's not even close to good enough." Taylor: "Yeah, I had this idea that the first verse would be about someone who is in sort of a life crisis and has been trying and failing and trying and failing in their relationship, has been messing things up with the people they love, has been letting everyone down, and kind of has driven to this overlook, this cliff, and is just in the car going, 'I could, like, I could do whatever I want in this moment, and it could affect everything forever.' But this person backs up and drives home, and--" Jack: "Yeah, I love that. The idea that not driving off the cliff is an act of trying. Which is almost the ultimate act of trying." Taylor: "Yeah, and then the second verse is about someone who felt like they had a lot of potential in their life. I think there are a lot of mechanisms for us in our school days, in high school or college, to excel and to be patted on the back for something. And then I think a lot of people get out of school and there are less abilities for them to get gold stars. And then you have to make all these decisions and pave your own way, and there's no set class course you can take, and there's-- And. I think a lot of people feel really swept up in that. And so I was thinking about this person who is really lost in life and then starts drinking and every second is trying not to."

”

Lyrics

[Verse 1]
I've been having a hard time adjusting
I had the shiniest wheels, now they're rusting
I didn't know if you'd care if I came back
I have a lot of regrets about that
Pulled the car off the road to the lookout
Could've followed my fears all the way down
And maybe I don't quite know what to say
But I'm here in your doorway

[Chorus]
I just wanted you to know that this is me trying
I just wanted you to know that this is me trying

[Verse 2]
They told me all of my cages were mental
So, I got wasted, like all my potential
And my words shoot to kill when I'm mad
I have a lot of regrets about that
I was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere
Fell behind all my classmates and I ended up here
Pouring out my heart to a stranger
But I didn't pour the whiskey

[Chorus]
I just wanted you to know that this is me trying
I just wanted you to know that this is me trying

[Post-Chorus]
At least I'm trying

[Bridge]
And it's hard to be at a party when I feel like an open wound
It's hard to be anywhere these days when all I want is you
You're a flashback in a film reel on the one screen in my town

[Chorus]
And I just wanted you to know that this is me trying
(And maybe I don't quite know what to say)
I just wanted you to know that this is me trying

[Outro]
At least I'm trying

Live performances

Swift performed "this is me trying" thrice as a surprise song on The Eras Tour: once on March 18, 2023, in Glendale, Arizona, once on February 17, 2024, in Melbourne, Australia, once on July 18, 2024, in Gelsenkirchen, Germany, mashed-up with "Labyrinth", and once on October 18th, 2024, in Miami, Florida, mashed-up with “Daylight”.